Really not feeling good today, or yesterday. Cancer, it won't surprise you to hear, can be a nails-hard bitch. Today I have been apocalyptically tired, wobbly, easily confused, hot, sweaty, clumsy, permanently spooked, jumpy, tense, emotional, physically weak, fearful over nothing. Bit of a shambles really. I don't like it. Still, tomorrow's tomorrow, which might be different. And knowing this disease, it probably will be.
Called my oncology team today. They were supposed to send me the results of my last scan, which was itself four months late, and finally took place two weeks ago. They didn't send it, though. Why? Nobody knows. Further arse-kicking apparently needed tomorrow, then. None of this is helping matters.
This might be the start of the phase I'll call 'digging in'. For the first time in months, I am actually a bit fearful today. It's real, and it's not going to stop.
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