I cried five times

Today got me five times. Life is hard. There aren't they many bird I look forward to. Food. Star Trek. A morning espresso. No pain.

I miss friends. Life is work. Tidying. Hefting. Paying for stuff. Mindless browsing. All the rows. I hate it.

.

Found an unfurnished room in a mad, property guardian place in nm for 500 a month today.Is do it too. Freedom. Options. Familiarity. Fun. A year in there would cost £8k, which I have. I could quit. Design a way out with lorazepam and good whiskey and downers.

Seizures are under control. Whoopee.

I could just take a belt from that drawer, loop it around the garage rafter and kick the chair over.

They'd be shocked, but not much. They'd get what they want. Cash and prosperity they didn't sacrifice anything for. 

Alex W to call tomorrow/Monday. Maybe he'd be better off firing me. Not sure I can be bothered with anything much any more.

Back in black

It came back.

We are waiting to see how serious it is, how operable. How final.

It'll go one of several ways.

1. Operable, best-case: period of medical leave, awake craniotomy, chemo, then palliative. Absolute best outcome:two years from here.

2. Operable, quit work, then awake craniotomy without success, then palliative chemo to fade. Best outcome: 12 months, last two in hospice in Barnstaple.

3. Inoperable. Quit work, palliative chemo on repeat to fade. Best outcome 9-12 months, last two in Barnstaple.

4. Inoperable, elect no chemo, morphine to fade in hospice. Outcome six to nine months, last two in hospice.