This just in...

A little update following my delightful recent stay at Derriford Hospital - sorry if you've seen some of this elsewhere...

Ok, so the physical operation went well, with the neuro team able to remove a large amount of the tumour, mainly because I was wide awake and chatting about Barcelona's midfield with the anaesthetist while he was working - don't ask.

As a result, I have got about 80% strength and movement in my left ankle and it's going to be pretty much back to normal soon. Go me. Unfortunately, that's all the good news. 

As previously suspected, my tumour is, in the main, a type 2 glioma - a slower-growing variety. However, some areas of my tumour that have now been reclassified as grade 4. This means that there are small areas of what remains which are aggressive. Eventually though, all areas will become grade 4.

What does this mean? Well, it means that I am going to undergo combined radiotherapy and chemotherapy next. And that I am really quite annoyed.

My prognosis depends on numerous things - mainly, how well I take treatment, and how poorly the cancer responds. 

There are several factors in my favour: lots of the bastard was removed; I am young enough and healthy enough to fight it for some time, and it is mainly a type 2, which means it is lazier than it could be.

Given all this, it is fair to assume that I have three to five years left, assuming I am healthy, lucky, and my cancer doesn't fancy it all that much. It goes without saying that I wanted longer, but the fact is that five years is my best-case outcome from here.

I have not yet fully researched alternative treatments available outside the NHS/overseas but am in the fortunate position to potentially explore my options - if you or anyone you know has credible intel on efficacy for freezing/proton beam treatment etc for people in my position, I am all ears. Diet-wise wise I am doing what I can. I have a feeling that my proposed treatment is the best I can currently hope for but I will take advice from all corners at this point.

Regardless, I will only get to five years from here with a combination of my own renowned stubbornness and the support of my beautiful wife, my family, my imminently arriving son and you lot - my fabulous friends. On a dark day, I’m so glad I have you all around to pick me up when I need you. God speed, you rock'n'rollers. 

Right - enough of this wallowing - I am still cross and only getting crosser. We only go forwards around here, and I am not fucking dead yet. If ever there was a time to watch Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan for a bit of early-doors inspiration, that time is now.

Love love love xxx 

Rogue One is Proof That Star Wars is Ruined

Right. I have now seen Star Wars Rogue One. I have issues with it. I have made A List, if you'll indulge me:

The key ingredient of franchise-reboot stormtrooper armour is clearly royale icing, as in the more recent films, any contact with blaster fire whatsoever now results in instant death, rather than the famously blaster-proof stuff in earlier, more permissive Seventies outings. 

This is borne out by the later appearance of new, beige stormtroopers, who clearly are harder to kill because of their more resilient protective gear, which looks like it is shortcrust-based and has been left in the oven a few minutes longer to harden off before use. 

This led to unbidden but unshakeable visions of there being an enormous Armour Pantry of some sort, stacked out with massive industrial cooling-racks, in one of the Death Star's many cavernous halls. Never mind mining for Death Star laser fuel; how are they sourcing all that bicarbonate of soda?

AT-ATs are still an absolute fucking liability. Has anyone other than Chewie ever survived a journey anywhere in one? The insurance must be mental. How the hell do you park one? Or turn around? Disastrous.

There is a random space Frenchman. His purpose was unclear, but at least he survived a 15-foot spine-shattering fall with appropriate levels of elan. I hope the DVD includes a deleted scene of him relaxing in a pavement cafe in Mos Eisley, wreathed in Gauloise, knocking back a pastis with a pastel jumper slung nonchalantly round his shoulders.

The force is strong with the blind Chinese monk, who serves no purpose other than boosting takings in an important overseas region for Disney, until he is shot quite straightforwardly and dies. Hmmm.

Digital Peter Cushing was great, if a little unsettling initially. He was actually higher-res in some shots than some of the real actors. Amazing trick, though. Digital Leia also lovely. Genuinely heartwarming to see how they have stitched R1's plot into ep IV.

Couldn't work out who was on whose side for the first hour - not that it mattered overly. Why was Forest Whitaker's character even in it? At one stage the young heroine appeared to have more would-be sponsors and mentors than an X-Factor finalist at an AA meeting, despite needing none of them, as her whole plan was to sit still and be immolated in Cancun anyway.

Would a Jedi have sat on a beach awaiting death in so meek a way? Thought that was v poor form.

But! Last 20 mins of outright close-quarters Sith chaos was great, mind you. Go on, Darth me old son, you crack some facking heads. Bosh!

6/10, though. Blatant filler between ep7 and ep8. Still better than I,III and most of II.