Sorry for the lengthy post - pretty full-on couple of days. After a couple of weeks of being a bit unsteady on my feet, tired and increasingly confused, it all went to pot at the local shop the other day when I had a massive fit and blacked out. I know - showy!
A further five epileptic fits - which involve hollering, convulsions feeling exactly like you've been doused in petrol, and in one case not breathing - followed in what was a very long, sleepless night in Exeter A&E. It is a cliche, but the tireless enthusiasm of the nurses and doctors - who thanks to the meds i wound up falling in love with a bit - got me through.
All this palaver led to a diagnosis: I have a brain tumour, like my sister before me.
However, before we climb out of the pram, railing at another cruel hand dealt an absentee God, it appears to differ from the one that beat Lucy. It is not as large or vociferous as hers was, and 17 years down the line, we have evolved new and cunning means to keep this bullshit genie and his friends in their box. There are encouraging signs, as they say. Also there is no cancer anywhere else, physically.
At this preliminary stage, with a biopsy pending and a meeting for cancer-fighting's biggest ball-busters in Plymouth this week or next, it appears to be small and treatable with surgery and chemo/radio, but we will have to see. Frequently cancer presents an evolving picture, So you gotta roll with it, as some fool once said.
I do know this though: previously my family has been destroyed by this disease, and even that requires extraordinary courage, but cancer is not sentient; you do not have to outwit it - it has already taken the precaution of being as dumb as a post. I do not intend to waste my time giving the random subdivision of a different kind of cells more credit than it deserves.
Life is a nought but a series of challenges, with the last one - trying not to die yet - being the hardest. This challenge however is one I cannot fail - my beloved wife, while she is my rock, cannot be expected bring our child up without me alongside our lunatic dog.
I love you all more than I say as much. I should be home later today but then in and out like the proverbial fiddler's elbow for the foreseeable. If I need anything beyond your unflinching support (which I know I have anyway) I will be in touch.
Right - wallow over. Not today, motherfucker - not today.
"They invade our space; we fall back. They assimilate countless worlds; we fall back. Not again. Not this time. The line must be drawn here. This far, no further. And I will make them pay for what they have done."
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