Brace for impact

In truth, I have felt utterly exhausted for some time. Frozen, both creatively and work-wise, for the best part of a year.

All of that, with a bit of luck, is about to change. All of the what-ifs will come at once, pull up a chair at our little table, and start spinning our preconceptions of what we do, where we live and in many ways, who we actually are. I am obviously excited by the idea of change on this kind of scale, but also terrified of letting everybody down. I have several more hurdles to cross before the most monumental event in the last three years is welcomed in with quaking arms. Let’s just say that if I’m brave, and right enough for an hour at the end of this otherwise unassuming little week in late February, we will be a quantum leap in the direction of the Long Term Goal, and all of this fight, scrap and scrape will be a memory – a source of pride, to be sure, but a memory all the same.

Our time is coming, again.

Do we want it? Is it right? Am I right? Only time will tell. On the face of it, the potential opportunity is a massive reshuffle of the work-life balance, a copper-bottomed opportunity to finish saving and start investing, and a self-determining poke in the eye for all those fuckers who continue to doubt me, all rolled into one. I will have my revenge, again. I will move forward with those I love, regardless of their views on my limitations. I will prove myself, again.

This is the moment that decides where we get married.

This is the moment that decrees where I finally learn to drive.

This is the moment that clarifies where our first house is purchased.

This is where our baby could take her first steps.

This is where I take back control of things.

This is where we make our own rules.

I’m terrified and confident of success. I could back off now, but don’t want to. In any case, I have set in motion a sequence of events that makes most of the above unavoidable.