London Pubs: A Diatribe

I just posted this to a thread about pubs on the Guardian, because I’ve had a long day and fancy shouting at something. I feel better, and some of this is quite funny, I think:

I live in London, (not by choice - long story) and I love pubs. Love them.
London has some fabulous ones, but most of them are either dull or complete rubbish. It's not the price of beer - that's going up steadily in most parts of the UK since I've been drinking it. The thing that ruins pubs for me is the profound lack of space in them.

The lack of space in London pubs can render even the quaintest, most interesting or most historic venue a nightmare. I have had a long day. I want a pint, and a whinge, then another and a laugh, then another and some tunes, then I'll go home. It's not much to ask. Central London's pubs are, however, literally awash with half-dayers by about 3pm, so by the time I arrive at 6-ish, I have to settle for a handheld pint of warm lager stood by the gents, because the place is already rammed. Cheers!

The problem extends outside of modern boozers, too - now that we're all metrosexual, sophisticated arrivistes with complex tastes, teased hair and a burgeoning interest in 'craft' ale and 'artisan' this, that and the other, we can't get enough of al fresco drinking. Even before you get into the place, the outside of a pub is covered in gangly aesthetes braying about themselves from early afternoon onwards. Farringdon, I'm looking at you here.

In a damning indictment of this, I saw a bunch of blokes outside a crowded pub the other day. They appeared to be in their mid-Twenties, and were sharing a portion of chips, drinking beer and smoking. Nothing amiss, really, except for the fact that the pub of choice was so oversubscribed, they were balancing their pints, chips, fags etc on the top of an overflowing bin. Because there was nowhere else to put anything. Because of everywhere being crowded. Everywhere. All of the time.

How can balancing your shit on a bin while drinking in the gutter for £4.50 a pint be deemed acceptable? What can we do to stop this?

Full ego-mirror here.